Mental health is something we can all relate to, regardless of race, age, belief or financial standing. We hide behind the meme's, substance abuse, social media post and we have discovered other ways to disconnect from our emotions. Media has romanticized depression, and we've all fallen for it. I've been a happy depressed person for most of my life and only now at 27 years old, I made a decision to be fully happy.
I would find myself being moody or sad all of sudden, I avoided public spaces, even family gatherings. I was that cousin you'd visit and the only thing I'd say to you is "HI" then go sit in my room and sometimes I'd find myself getting extremely angry out of nowhere, even while I sleep or cry as if someone close to me died. In all honesty someone did die, I died, I was just going with the routine, I stopped living. Even when good things would happen, I'd always prepare myself for the disappointment. Never gave myself the opportunity to enjoy all the good things in my life because I'm always preparing for the bad. Whenever anyone would ask "Are you okay Nene?" I'd say "I'm great, there's nothing to complain about". I was happily depressed.
Until one night as I was taking a shower, I found myself crying so hopelessly and I said to God "Father I'm really tired, I just want to be truly happy, that no matter what life throws at, I have that peace and joy I keep reading about in the Bible. Father I'm really tired". Took a few breaths in and out then got out of the shower. That very same night, God answered me.
Nene's Journal Entry :
26 July 2020
I had a dream, in the dream I'm nurse wearing all white in a mental institution and I'm taking care of a patient who is me too, wearing black. I'm singing the song "I surrender all" throughout the entire dream. I'm in the room with patient and I turned my back from the patient while singing to take something from the table, and when I look at the mirror there she is looking so evil with a knife in her hand, yet the nurse doesn't panic still singing so calmly, turned smiling, gently held the patients hands went to the bed sat in the edge, took the knife, took the hand that was holding the knife held to the patients heart still singing. At that moment the patient felt safe, vulnerable but safe, felt acknowledged. Anger is not as evil as we make it too be, how and what we do with that anger is what makes it evil.
A gun is not dangerous but the person holding the gun and what it's used for makes it dangerous.
I surrender all my darkness to God (light) , I'm not going to ignore it or fear it but surrender all my anger to God.
End.
Each day I learn not to ignore the things that hurt me or people. Rather acknowledge them: unemployment, rejection, low self-esteem, anxiety, sickness, anger etc whatever is. Don't ignore it or pretend it never happened, it did happen and it hurt you and has caused a certain emotion or reaction, once you've acknowledged it, take to God as it, as dirty and unpleasant as it is. Take it all to God and you'll be surprised how God will use what the devil meant to destroy to push you to your destiny. The devil will always try and find way to destroy you but God assures us they will not prosper.
Psalm 18:32-39 (CSB) "God — he clothes me with strength and makes my way perfect. 33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer and sets me securely on the heights. 34 He trains my hands for war; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. 35 You have given me the shield of your salvation; your right hand upholds me, and your humility exalts me. 36 You make a spacious place beneath me for my steps, and my ankles do not give way. 37 I pursue my enemies and overtake them; I do not turn back until they are wiped out. 38 I crush them, and they cannot get up; they fall beneath my feet. 39 You have clothed me with strength for battle; you subdue my adversaries beneath me."
The Lord has already conquered the world and all its troubles. Remember that, the God that conquered the world is within you, around, beside you, that God goes ahead of you and behind, you too shall conquer the world and all its struggles. 1 John 5:4-9 (CSB)" because everyone who has been born of God conquers the world. This is the victory that has conquered the world: our faith. 5 Who is the one who conquers the world but the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God? 9 If we accept human testimony, God’s testimony is greater, because it is God’s testimony that he has given about his Son."
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